I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
