I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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