I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
