everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
