i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
