erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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