i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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