if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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