Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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