K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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