I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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