I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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