We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
