i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
