i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize