I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
