I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
