did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
