first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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