I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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