He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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