How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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