The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
