please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
