I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
