singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
