Umm I'm too high to move.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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