Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
