I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
