I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
