so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
