Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
