Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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