On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize