I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
