Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
