this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
