No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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