On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
