Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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