I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
