Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
