Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
