i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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