im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
