Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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