I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
