I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
