my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The best revenge is premature balding
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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