when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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