My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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