ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
