Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
