we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
