i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
