I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
