Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
