Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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