I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
