The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
