In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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