Tell her she can't have a vagina
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My dick has a subreddit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
