I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
