Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
