If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
