I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't turn off my feet"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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