; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
