That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
