Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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