No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
