I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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