Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
