It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
