youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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