How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
