the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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