is your mom at the bar?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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