I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
