But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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