You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
