there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
