guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
