Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
