i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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