Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
