Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
