So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
