As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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