she kept yelling 'call me bella'
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
