I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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