that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
