I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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