Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
