I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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