i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
