She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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