Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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