KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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