"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
