Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
