I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
