and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
