Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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