I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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