Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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