Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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