I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
