drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize