It's Friday. Sex?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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