He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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