I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Someone shattered a urinal.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
