The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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