Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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