Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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