jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize