she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
