Moan for me like Helen Keller
People in love make me want to vomit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
